Friday 27 April 2012

Town Centre Dudes. Am I missing the point or are they?

Fun free zone in the town centre

I hate shopping and I hate malls or whatever their name is in England, is it malls or shopping centres now? Soulless white plastic edifices built in worship to consumerist ideology, proliferated by fashionable, phony-bronzed cunts with neck tattoos, trophy birds and watery gym built muscles. The users of Newcastle city centre malls wander slowly and posingly towards no particular destination seemingly constantly clutching little string handled brown bags full of street slippers and £100 T-shirts.
Sheep mentality and the urge to blend in whist simultaneously standing out using the tools of impossibly new looking clothing and diligently purchasing whatever parades as perfection on TV that week.

Do those dudes enjoy that lifestyle? I can't imagine if they do, surely pursuit of clothed and groomed perfection is a means to an end, the end being scoring with successively hotter and more manicured floozies on the weekend down The Gate. How much time spent shopping, tanning, shaving, flexing and sitting in salons must they spend? It would bore me senseless and far out weigh the end goal.  I can appreciate that Metro-sexuality is here but I don't have to like it. 'Be at one with your feminine side' I hear those enslaved to this lifestyle cry, well the 1% belonging to this madness who can actually articulate themselves cry this. But I can't understand, relate or converse without getting annoyed to the girls who live life this way and now I have to deal with the blokes. Its highly perplexing and to me that level of cleanliness and vanity feels sort of inhuman.

We're animals after all, evolved in some ways yes, but still animals, loin cloth pulled up, bison leg crumbs swept from bare chest and a jog from the cave and into the wild countryside was all we once  needed to face the world, now its a two hour grooming ritual and 100 highly advertised but largely useless beauty products applied before a huge proportion of men will dare leave the house. I'm about half a rung above a tramp on the fashion ladder but I really do feel like a man. Can these dudes who populate the town centre honestly look themselves in their overly used mirror and say that?

1 comment:

  1. "brown bags full of street slippers and £100 T-shirts" This brought forth a chuckle from within...... and it was not the paul & barry kind.