Thursday 26 May 2016

In Ikea with Steven

Still only showing the Non Drive Side, what are they hiding, what are they afraid of?


Flame on mother fucker
Randomised mayonnaise production, different flavours, different textures, different shades of white.
They used to have these stores, huge blue stores.
'What the fuck were they like?'
If you imaging the prison, it was kinda like that, only the food in the canteen was of slightly poorer quality and you had to pay for it. There was almost no chance of getting chivved. Unless it was sale day and then your chances were about even.
'How could a store be so bad?'
Well you know the locked broom cupboard on D wing it looked identical to that.
'Like white and cream with mildew in the ceramic flooring cracks, glory holes in every wall, and inflated man hood biro drawings'
Yeah
'freaky'
yeah real freaky
'I think your freaky and I like you a lot.'

Why would they travel in there droves to listen to a false prophet.
His propaganda was printed and delivered to every home.
The masses were brainwashed, it was inexpensive, it looked awful, it fell apart easily but somehow they thought that was what they needed it.
It completes them.
They knew the price of everything but the value of nothing.
How was everyone brought on side?
How do you influence people on such a massive scale?
The Blue demon, his thin tentacles reaching into the head of his victims, men and women were like malleable clay, their minds squeezed between the fingers of commerce and consumerism
blood drips crimson on the blue and yellow floor
A stressed perineum sat on a see through seventies sex chair in the very damaged section.
'Isn't it all slightly damaged'
This says very damaged fuck face.
My ego was damaged
My dick was soft, very soft, softer than it had ever been.
I noticed a clear fluid leaking from one ear and trickling down my neck.
There was a black coal like substance in the corner of my ocular cavity.
Tanhauser Gate .
Rain fuelled the anger, their minds were contained, fleshy overbite tooth grinder, Asexual platypus in a Toyota Prius.
A labyrinth of soft furnishing with a massively endowed meatball minotaur.
Pin stripped yellow polo.
The biggest woman I have ever seen directs us towards bed linen, but its all soiled, or it will be.
Man date massacre, men with men, men in suppression, eat a fucking kitchen knife cunt.

I took the job where you mop blood up all day, HIV Aids Hep C none of that shit bothers me, what do I have to live for anyway? Gets them tenners in see. I buy as much snout and pot noodles as possible from the tuck shop. All them snacks are mine. They see blood, blank stares, I see red of a different kind, I see a bloated possibility. I see sweetie wrappers and a man in a suit about to accept an award for excellence and we all know he deserves it.
Red, I'm seeing red.
My dick is so soft now, its almost liquid.
Blue, I'm seeing blue.
Step away from your overloaded cart, wave your husband or wife goodbye, pat your kids on the head, leave your car in the multi storey, leave your shoes and car keys on the bridge, walk slowly towards the river and dive down into the black waters.


Thursday 19 May 2016

Terraform basics for the space born set.

at the gates
in the shed
where my hand once bled

The neighbours have gone
there goes the neighbourhood
terraform, terraform.

sandal shoed activist of a thousand block party throw downs
a sadistic magician
monica ice cream

change the garden into a pool into a skate spot into a run down duplex apartment for goats
goats see good in the dark no phone torch
terraform terraform

has any one seen my candelabra
I left it behind some with indelible ink on an album sleeve
Taylor Swift will never find it

or maybe she will, people are constantly surprising me
where once I saw stupidity I now see complication and mystery
blood, sinew, bone, Fred flint Stone.

trouble at the mill
slaughter pig stab stab, bolt gun, kill.
43 percent of this pork contains 83 percent non pork ingredients, soya, duck, slazenger fur, paperclips, monkey wrench

Municipal waste is gonna fuck you up woaaaaaaahhhh
table tops at dawn, walk out for at least 30 paces, turn, twist the hips, pull on bars, rad stance, hold it, then relinquish the altitude.
for tips on form see Vic Murphy.

This is where the bee lives
I saw the bee the other day
no, this is where the bee lives

He bit me.

Medicated walrus man, in an Ellesse sweat top and bottom and middle.
have you any snout to offer me fine sir, any snout would do, any, honestly any, bensons, woodbines, it's all the same to me.
tiddle sticks, tiddle sticks we all have tiddly sticks.

tiddle sticks, terraform
swizzle sticks terraform
power percusion, terraform

Nezza's movie on loop
motorised stick, trench coat flowing, steam punk goggles, ham sandwich club
terraform

stay warm stay warm
killer bees on a swarm
terraform

did my candelabra show up yet or has Fenriz still got it.
battle jacket covered in needle point options from the tea pad
Not the the tea pad, that guys a jerk, needle point, ned the head needle nose ned

bing

bigger is better and muddier and smells a bit like shields road turds
watch you don't slip in those new balance mate, that would be tragic
brown shoe brown shoe change your pavement please.

more ice cream, like in 08 when you ate two a day for 3 months and never drank less than 10 beers
I'm all for differing body shapes
who's' to say what is beautiful

Bukowski, Kowalski, Kachinski
writer, butcher, ice hockeyist
philip knew the score, run to hills before its too late.

typewriter used to sound like a severe form of sexual intercourse when heard from the floor below
Ratty, how hard can the sex get?
never fucking stop.

don't give up don't give up don't give up
floor one is where the bread is kept
terraform the basement, squelchy underfoot, cleanest neighbours I ever had.

wool can be used as a warming garment, I'm in the shed, who's with me?
I want to drink a beer but I don't like drinking in the house
Maybe I should ride out into the wilds and drink it

what would Xavier do?
freaking read somebodies mind no doubt.
why are her arms so pulpy and delicious?

twist into the neck, 1960s BBC special effect.
shrinking parma violets and a wall mounted wood saw
bone drill bone drill bone drill

bone drill
power saw
text message terraform

It always seems to end this way
battle jacket potato
fucking hate potato

return of the night of the fucking hate potatoes
fear for you life, fear for you wife, those earth bound starchy bastards are out there
many a Bothan died fighting the fucking hate potatoes

seriously though a deadly potato?
like a potato that can hurt a man?
How the fuck would that work?

Fucking Hate potatoes.









Tuesday 31 March 2015

Ride UK magazine is no more.



Ride UK magazine has been going as long as I have been riding a BMX. I remember seeing issue 8 when I first got into riding, some chump with a diamond back brought it into my art class. I couldn't find or afford to buy one until issue 13. I honestly haven't bought that many in the last two years, I feel that it morphed into something I could no longer believe in or that I could relate to.

Apart from 2013 and 2014 I have every issue.

In the world of BMX, it is a sad day for print.

Maybe there will be another BMX magazine available one day, a radical renaissance, but for now buying magazines is something almost nobody does and as a whole magazines are disappearing from our lives.

The internet masticates pulverises and excretes another art form.

What will be next?


Legendary Ride UK columnist Micky Moore AKA MR Pants very recently organised all my ride mags into numerical order, something I could never bring myself to do.

Cheers Mick.

So long Ride UK!!!

Monday 5 January 2015

THE BLOCKING

Jim Newrick has been working on a sci-fi short of sorts and I gave him a little hand with some writing for it. I'm pretty excited to see the finished article now this trailer has confirmed how awesome/creepy the visuals are going to be.

Here's the trailer.



The Blocking from jim newrick on Vimeo.

Thursday 11 September 2014

NSF Jam?


Newcastle BMX Street Jam from Ryan Lilburn on Vimeo.

Ill video from the busiest jam the Town has ever seen. Much props to Dyson, Fraser and Lilburn.

Monday 18 August 2014

The Man's got a point.


I got a phone call a couple weeks ago asking what my thoughts were on a street jam in Newcastle DEDICATED to the/ our NSF movement. Initially i was flattered that someone would want to do that. A dedication to over 10 years of solid commitment and hard work from a small group of lads from Sunderland, Durham, South Shields and Sheffield.  As long as it was done right, Id personally have no quarrels with it. Then the flyer came out, which caused some controversy:
'NSF Revival Jam' 
a 10 minute photoshop effort of Robs NSF tag pasted over a snapshot of the millennium bridge? designed by someone none of us had ever met. All of our commitment over the years was worth more than that surely? Looked like what had started out as a subtle dedication to the name had been hi jacked and turned into a REVIVAL of some sort? which no one wanted or had asked for. The idea of a revival makes me think of the re introduction of 60’s style space hoppers in the early 90’s or when the Mini Cooper came into production again with a big union jack on the roof. Embarrassing shit like that. Some things need to be left back in the era they belong
The design of the flyer, in my opinion, goes against so much of what we stood for. There was always a collective control in quality of what we put out. Videos, t shirts, premier posters, music used in the videos we made, the riders and crews that we looked up to. We were all pretty much on the same page as far creative output and interest went. A great deal of passion and thought went into everything we did. I don’t think we ever collectively put anything out that i can look back and be embarrassed about
"Seems a shame not to have the name backing the jam, NSF is not somthing that should be ‘owned’ by anybody, it grew from being somthing small and personal to a massive following, and for the fact after all these years so many people were happy as fuck seeing NSF making a return to the scene. The people responsible should let petty things like rights or ownership go and let it do what it does best and rip up the streets of the town. Fuck names fuck differences and just session on”
Yes we did start as something small and personal. About 12 years down the line and to me, it is still something small, personal and very dear to my heart. The following and respect grew over those years, but that doesn’t suggest that it became a big free for all, where anybody could adopt the name and say they were part of it.  We created and earned that badge, through 10 years of solid passion and commitment for what WE had created. The 10 or more people who have it etched permanently into their skin via the medium of ink or scars are testament to that.
The Northeast Street Foundation definitely isn’t a product that can be bought or owned. You can’t buy or own friendship. I don’t own the nsf, although i  would like to think that after dedicating over 10 years of my life to it id get some say into how it is portrayed in 2014. After all it was the collective combination of like minded people, good creative ideas and friendship that got us the following and respect that we did over the years. We did not let it fall into the wrong hands or be portrayed in a way that we weren’t happy with. If we had let it slip, we wouldn’t have had the following or respect we had at the time. It most definItely wouldn’t be what it is today if we had
Dedicating a street jam to what we created back then is a nice thing to do, everyone loves a street jam. All it had to be was something along the lines of:
"Northeast Street Jam" (a dedication to the nsf) 
everyone’s happy
An nsf dedication is one thing. An un authorized revival, along with a re issue of t shirts is something completely different. 
I feel like something very close to my heart that provided some of the best years of my life has been kind of manipulated into a thoughtless crappy version for 2014. similar to the re issue of space hopper’s mentioned earlier. Best left the way they were
If you feel the need to have a dedication for something,  at least think about what your doing, who your doing it for, and what they would be happy with. Otherwise don’t bother. If for some mad reason you feel the need to revive something that you had nothing to with, without consulting everyone involved. Then common sense should tell you that it most definitely won’t go smoothly
Think up a name, start your own crew, put on your own street jam, put out your own videos, make your own t shirts and zines. Build your own scene. It will provide levels of un matched satisfaction and reward you and your friends with some of the best memories. Do it yourself, don’t rely on a revival of something created over 10 years ago 
photo by Sam Ashley 
(Chris Souter, James Newrick, Matt Wakefield, Olly Olsen, Rob Hate, Tom O’boyle, Joe Cox  seeking shelter from the rain/ Livingston Scotland circa ages ago)



 
"I got a phone call a couple weeks ago asking what my thoughts were on a street jam in Newcastle DEDICATED to the/ our NSF movement. Initially i was flattered that someone would want to do that. A dedication to over 10 years of solid commitment and hard work from a small group of lads from Sunderland, Durham, South Shields and Sheffield.  As long as it was done right, Id personally have no quarrels with it. Then the flyer came out, which caused some controversy:
'NSF Revival Jam' 
a 10 minute photoshop effort of Robs NSF tag pasted over a snapshot of the millennium bridge? designed by someone none of us had ever met. All of our commitment over the years was worth more than that surely? Looked like what had started out as a subtle dedication to the name had been hi jacked and turned into a REVIVAL of some sort? which no one wanted or had asked for. The idea of a revival makes me think of the re introduction of 60’s style space hoppers in the early 90’s or when the Mini Cooper came into production again with a big union jack on the roof. Embarrassing shit like that. Some things need to be left back in the era they belong
The design of the flyer, in my opinion, goes against so much of what we stood for. There was always a collective control in quality of what we put out. Videos, t shirts, premier posters, music used in the videos we made, the riders and crews that we looked up to. We were all pretty much on the same page as far creative output and interest went. A great deal of passion and thought went into everything we did. I don’t think we ever collectively put anything out that i can look back and be embarrassed about
"Seems a shame not to have the name backing the jam, NSF is not somthing that should be ‘owned’ by anybody, it grew from being somthing small and personal to a massive following, and for the fact after all these years so many people were happy as fuck seeing NSF making a return to the scene. The people responsible should let petty things like rights or ownership go and let it do what it does best and rip up the streets of the town. Fuck names fuck differences and just session on”
Yes we did start as something small and personal. About 12 years down the line and to me, it is still something small, personal and very dear to my heart. The following and respect grew over those years, but that doesn’t suggest that it became a big free for all, where anybody could adopt the name and say they were part of it.  We created and earned that badge, through 10 years of solid passion and commitment for what WE had created. The 10 or more people who have it etched permanently into their skin via the medium of ink or scars are testament to that.
The Northeast Street Foundation definitely isn’t a product that can be bought or owned. You can’t buy or own friendship. I don’t own the nsf, although i  would like to think that after dedicating over 10 years of my life to it id get some say into how it is portrayed in 2014. After all it was the collective combination of like minded people, good creative ideas and friendship that got us the following and respect that we did over the years. We did not let it fall into the wrong hands or be portrayed in a way that we weren’t happy with. If we had let it slip, we wouldn’t have had the following or respect we had at the time. It most definItely wouldn’t be what it is today if we had
Dedicating a street jam to what we created back then is a nice thing to do, everyone loves a street jam. All it had to be was something along the lines of:
"Northeast Street Jam" (a dedication to the nsf)
everyone’s happy
An nsf dedication is one thing. An un authorized revival, along with a re issue of t shirts is something completely different. 
I feel like something very close to my heart that provided some of the best years of my life has been kind of manipulated into a thoughtless crappy version for 2014. similar to the re issue of space hopper’s mentioned earlier. Best left the way they were
If you feel the need to have a dedication for something,  at least think about what your doing, who your doing it for, and what they would be happy with. Otherwise don’t bother. If for some mad reason you feel the need to revive something that you had nothing to with, without consulting everyone involved. Then common sense should tell you that it most definitely won’t go smoothly
Think up a name, start your own crew, put on your own street jam, put out your own videos, make your own t shirts and zines. Build your own scene. It will provide levels of un matched satisfaction and reward you and your friends with some of the best memories. Do it yourself, don’t rely on a revival of something created over 10 years ago 
photo by Sam Ashley
(Chris Souter, James Newrick, Matt Wakefield, Olly Olsen, Rob Hate, Tom O’boyle, Joe Cox  seeking shelter from the rain/ Livingston Scotland circa ages ago)"

As seen on Nezza's Tumblr

I'll still be at the Jam but the planning has gone a little haywire and there's miscommunication in abundance! 
Sometimes the kids know not what they do. 
But were we any different?
I'm sure I've upset a bunch of people along the way, and still do. I'd like to think that I treaded carefully over the years with those who I had the most respect for, but I dare say there are those who see it differently.
The lesson is to be careful and respectful with that which is not yours.
Oh yeah and always ask permission before you reissue a shirt (duh)!

Much love