Tuesday 30 August 2011


I had to move out of Whickham, it's a relief, I didn't belong there and I didn't fit in. Golf clubs are notoriously bureaucratic, they're run by disconnected busy-body middle class types with bloated self-importance and no grip on the real world.
We got evicted.
We got fired and we got fucked.
Our cat Mr Crimpy ran away and was either shot by the farmers who groom grouse in the woods, or eaten by a fox or badger.
Free rent cannot last forever and this is a prime example. I don't feel like I ever lived in Whickham now, it's just a misty memory, a hardly heard voice, a distant daydream, an inoffensive fart. Whickham was dull, miles and miles of identical suburbia and nothing else. Topiary hedges, Car washing, lawn mowing, house names instead of numbers, SUV's on the school run, riding ponies, for all intents and purposes and to many I suppose ideal living.
Not for me.
Living out of town and in the woods left me disconnected and paranoid and also with the inability to deal with humans. It also meant I had to pass through rotten to the core suburbia on a daily basis to get anywhere I wanted to be. It wobbled my thoughts on life, it drove lances of despair for our species through me. The town of Whickham is bland and anonymous, it's a combination of all overplayed SI-FI suburbia, The Stepford Wives vision of Connecticut , Edward Scissor Hands' enhanced suburban vision filmed in Tampa Florida or Eerie Indiana's fictional streets. It is more Atypically suburban than anywhere I dreamed existed.
I miss the Derwent valley and the trees and bombing down Dunston bank every day but little else. So see you later golfers with your stupid game and monopoly on the green belts of England, fuck you all, I have nothing but contempt for your back stabbing practices and underhand ways.

With that said this is going to be my new blog. BICYCLE ANDROID. Expect more spleen venting, ill conceived ideas and badly thought out observations of life. I'm living in Bensham now, a stones throw away from 5 Bridges which is my second favorite skatepark in the Northeast (my first is South Shields, obviously) upon moving to the area I instantly felt at home. There's an energy on the street, there's people moving around at night, it's multi cultural, there's dodgy elements constantly asking me for snout or a light or half a quid, there's shiftiness, the park benches are occupied by cider drinkers the  bus stops have scratchys and the walls have tags. I'm stoked, something is actually happening around me. I've been here a month now and I've found stacks of stuff to ride and I'm closer to work and all my friends and I'm a bit more grounded and involved in reality again.

I still don't know what I want to achieve with a blog, I just feel as if I need to have one now. I use a blog  as a release, a way to get things off my chest and as a tool to keep things rolling and avoid writers block. I suspect Whickham (life in the woods) helped me on my way to work with The Albion, something I consider incredibly positive. Who knows what might come of this blog. It helps me feel like I'm making an effort and that's how I want to feel everyday, like I'm making an effort of some sort towards.... I don't even know what, but the progression is what matters.


  1. Feed My eyes words and watch my brain absorb every last particle.
    good to hear your out of the land of tiger and back on the wrong side of the river... looking forward to seeing some of your insights and hopefully some riding photo's

  2. Just read your entire blog back to the start. Inspiring stuff man, keep it going :)