Saturday 3 September 2011

Mr Metro Man

New Metro based paint job from The Roops.
The Roops has been talking about painting his bike in Metro colours for a while now. I built this Fit Edwin up for him almost five years ago and it has remained largely unchanged in its purple state since then. The Edwin was looking grubby but with the addition of a new paint job and some regular mechanical tinkering done by yours truly the final product is looking revitalised. Apparently The Roops' Metro bike has already received quite a bit of attention both wanted and unwanted, so much so that he's going to buy a better lock. The final question remains, if he tries to get this bike on a Metro train and the speccys catch him will they be fooled into thinking this is a special bike designed to be allowed on the transport system. The theory is yet to be proven. I can't see it working personally. It would appear that Nexus police their rail system with the dumbest of rule followers, play it by ear judgement where each case is met on its merits thinking does not exist on the Metro.

I rarely use the Metro now, the only time in the last few years has been to transport my bike box when going to the airport. A boxed bike is invariable larger and more cumbersome than an un-boxed one, what is Metro's logic? A boxed bike requires of it's owner more strength and time to move in the case of an emergency, doors could be blocked for longer people could burn to death more frequently. Metro systems the world over allow bikes to travel, they even design their trains around bikes. How come England, tied by red tape and confusing by law, encases its citizens in glue and has them fight through ever confusing and pointless daily situations involving travel. 

Years ago when I lived in South Shields and worked or studied in Newcastle I had to use the Metro everyday, I hated it, crowded, unpleasant and expensive travel which was delayed so frequently they may as well have not bothered time tabling it at all. 

When I attended university in Newcastle I also rode the Metro daily a factor which strongly contributed to me wanting to leave. After receiving my first student grant (yeah free money from the government to attend university, a concept that seems ludicrous in today's current situation of higher education funding)  I was more worried than anything. I didn't want to get a job and was determined to make the grant money last. After months of being frugal I could finally see light at the end of the financial tunnel with the next grant payment. I went to the cash point and withdrew £20 I decided to treat myself at HMV and buy the new Gravediggaz album The Pick The Sickle And The Shovel. I found the CD in considerable excitement as their previous album Niggermortis was one of my favorite albums at the time. The ground floor counter was heaving so I snuck downstairs to what at the time was the singles department. I purchased the album at the quieter counter handing over £20 quid. While the snotty teenager with 300 festival arm bracelets scanned the CD and bagged it up I heard two youths saying "And he's got money" from behind. In my subconscious I can remember being a little freaked I took my £7 change and by the time I was out on Northumberland Street I had forgotten all about it. I did a little more looking around and then headed for the Metro back to Shields.
It was around 4.30 on a Winter evening and the train was super busy with commuters. As the metro gets closer to Shields more people get off and very few get on leaving the train virtually deserted. When I got off at Chichester it was dark out, I climbed the stairs of the station and passed the rails that have been heavily sessioned throughout BMX history. I took the side route and went along the back lane of Chi road and this is where things went pear shape. I could here little snide voices behind me and as I got to the corner of the lane some radge packet ran in front of me and another stays behind. "here mate have you got the time" says the radge stopping in front of me.

My heart rate is bouncing, I know what follows a question like this. 'Here mate have you got the time' is the simplest way of stopping someone and catching them unawares. Lets dissect the sentence. 'Mate' - implying a friendship, a common bond or even a mistaken hint of respect, putting the victim slightly at rest. 'Here' if the radge had been a fully fledged part of the criminal intelligentsia he would have said instead 'excuse me' because of the fact that he said 'here' I instantly realised I was in bother. 'Have you got the time', OK this one serves a couple of purposes, to check the time you have to either produce a watch or phone putting whatever it is you have on display to the attacker, secondly you have to stop and think about an action putting you off guard to what comes next. I think I was already about to flee because I've seen this situation pan out a thousand times before be it muggings, beatdowns or bike snatches.

What did come next?

I had stopped in the street thinking I was still fairly safe as there was someone behind me but to my horror I realised the guy behind me was another radge cunt and was also the same individual who had mentioned my money an hour and 14 Metro stops ago in HMV

The radge in front put his hand on my Poor Boy hoody collar and pulled me forward quite forcibly saying "I know you have money, give it too me."
Luckily at this point the guy from Chi road snooker club rounded the corner and I literally cried for help. "Help I'm getting robbed or something". Built like a brick shit house and not recognising the radgepackets put the snooker owner on the offensive instantly. The muggers obviously not wanting to get there asses kicked so far from home decided to bolt. Before the radgee in front left he took a mighty swing at me which I somehow managed to avoid even though his hand was still pulling me toward him.  Suddenly the radgees were off. The snooker owner shouted a torrent of abuse at the radgees and that was it, he offered me a lift home to Westoe and I took it pretty shaken up and probably white as a sheet but with all my meagre possessions and my 7 quid change still on me.

liberated Nexus and Metro stickers finish the effect off a treat.
The Metro is pretty synonymous with violence and dodgy situations I hope The Roops' paint job doesn't bring with it all this extra baggage.


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  2. That bike looks fucking awesome.

  3. Sub Human Filth

    How do these absolute scumbags/waste of of good oxygen get to walk the same streets as me? i hope they were confronted with a large dose of KARMA

    What goes around comes around!


  4. spectacular paint job